Fisticuffs at the Table

There was a strange occurrence Saturday night. At the black tie dinner there was place card seating. Albeit with odd distribution–I was seated next to a girl on either side with four men stacked up on the other side of the table. Etiquette dictates and this is not a matter of choice.

When your host is gracious enough to invite his friends to a party at the première locale in PB for a four course dinner with the finest wines, the least one can do is oblige with seating assignments. Although I must admit the silver writing on the deep red cards made them lovely, but difficult to decipher.

BGF (Best Gay Friend) defaulted as his seat was taken and the obvious thing to do was to seize the remaining empty chair. It happened to be next to a woman from New York. She was attractive, wearing a silver stylish baby doll dress and she was determined to stick to protocol.

BGF tried to sit down. Silver Baby Doll (SBD) objected. She said “Skipper is supposed to be sitting here.”

Having sat down a few minutes earlier I had surveyed the scene. I was between a lady from Tokyo and a broad from New York. I just hoped they were nice. But now BGF had nowhere to sit. SBD was objecting—it appeared she didn’t know who Skipper was and perhaps thought he might be eligible. You are at the wrong party lady…

Out-seated BGF moved to the other side of the table in search of his appropriate assignment and politely tapped the “gentleman” located in his seat on the shoulder. This man seemed resistant and wouldn’t move. First he stated loudly that he wanted to be next to “his girl…”

Any self-respecting woman would have vanished at that point. His “girl” a cute blonde in a great black gown sat silently intent on her butter dish. It was impossible not to feel badly for her.

The audience now realized now the seat-stealer was Skipper. He has eschewed the ordained plan and was in it for the challenge. The whole table was watching. I knew Skipper didn’t know any better. I was sorry for his date and sensed her embarrassment. BGF was in a terrible spot—not knowing whether to gear up or back down. It became dinner theater.

I saw BGF so for it. His mind was like one of those digital clocks from the 70’s where the numbers flip over and over. He considered his options: he could of, he should of and then he did.

“No, I think I should sit here” he politely but firmly said to Skipper. GULP went the rest of the dinner guests. We weren’t used to this. It was kind of exciting. Numchucks coming out before dessert. My eyes were wide. My gay husband was up against it and I wasn’t quite sure what to do.

Skipper wasn’t used to being challenged. With our wilting looks we encouraged BGF to back down. I am not sure that was the right thing to do. SBD wouldn’t have him sit next to her and had reiterated how particular the host was. Skipper wanted to brawl. BGF was left in an extremely undesirable position.

Amazingly everything simmered down. BGF did the right thing—he assumed Skipper’s seat. Skipper moved a small Italian man form the other side of his “girl” and was obnoxiously vocal as he assumed his repossessed position. SBD was ironically silent as she watched protocol being thrown to the wind.

BGF and I exited for a smoke grateful for the intermission. He knew the way out—to chat up the “girl” and that would be that. He was certain. I remained shocked by the insistence of Skipper.

BGF was stalwart. Upon our return he did what he had set out to do and immediately befriended the remainder of the table– against all odds. That was the ace bandage of the matter. BGF beguiled the “girl” in her sexy black dress as we all heaved a collective sigh of relief.

BGF subsequently charmed Skipper by dessert to the point he crooned Sinatra tunes in the back seat of our car en route to the after-party. All hostility was forgotten and I realized it took certain finesse to get from bad to better.

Drama had brought us together as a table. I made fabulous friends of the small Italian man who had moved to accommodate the guy who didn’t know better.

In the moment we weren’t quite sure and encouraged BGF to acquiesce in the face of belligerent dinner partner. However in the end I was extremely proud of BGF for knowing that it would work out for the best all along. And for having the fortitude to make it so.